The strangest thing happened to me today. I smelled you.
Or I thought I did. The moment I smelled it, I felt calm. For a split second, I felt excited. My head immediately shot up, looking for you. Was that you? How come I didn't notice before? Could it be? I followed the perfume and it led me to someone else. You weren't there. I thought it was foolish of me to think that was you. Your signature perfume might not be that common, but it would be silly of me to think you're the only one who uses it. I felt disappointed.
My eyes followed the other person. You were setting up the table. We've been talking for quite some time now. I never gave in, but that hasn't stopped you from trying. This time it was different. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted you near me. A part of me thought that it would be a way to be close to you. Another part wanted to forget. I had a choice to make. To do or not to do... Give in or move on?
I think I stared too long cos you came up to me and asked if I needed help. I forgot I brought grapes. Where should I leave them? The fucked up thing was I needed your help. Someone told me to bring the grapes upstairs. I've never been here before or I couldn't remember, because I don't know how to go upstairs. I followed you to the kitchen. You were talking to people and I couldn't help but stare. What was happening to me? I think you said something to me when you reached out to the fruit. To be honest, I didn't hear a single thing she said. All I could do was stare. What the fuck is wrong with me? She waved her hand in front of my face and asked if I was okay. I stared into your eyes. I looked for something but I didn't know what I was looking for. You kept asking me something, but I didn't respond. Eventually, I said I was okay, thanked you, and walked away.
You followed me. I knew she followed me cos I recognized the perfume. I panicked and ran to the bathroom. I waited until I didn't hear a sound. I put in my headphones and listened to music to calm myself down. I felt childish. What the hell was I doing? Why was I scared? The only thing that I wanted was to leave my stuff and get out of there. And that's what I did. When I left, I thought I saw a glimpse of you, but I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me. I refused to acknowledge you and kept on walking.
Once outside you scared the crap out of me. You stood beside me holding something out for me. I dropped my card and you followed me to return it to me. I was grateful but at the same time apprehensive. Why did you go through all that trouble? I've been treating you like crap. Couldn't you send me a message or leave it with my other friend? You gave me my card with a piece of paper folded around it. I thanked you and wanted to walk away but you stopped me. For the second time, you asked me if I was okay. I panicked when you touched me. I turned my body away from you and wanted to bolt. I think you saw that cos you removed your hand and created some distance between us.
I smelled the perfume again, this time feeling warm and safe. It made me think of you. It made me think of all the times you got jealous because of my friendly behavior towards people. I felt a pain in my chest as if something was missing. All of a sudden I thought I was doing something wrong.
Maybe in another universe, this could've been a great start for a novel. A romance novel. But what happened ain't that. Maybe I'm romanticizing everything and are things different when people look at it through your eyes? Then again, some parts must've been true. Cos how else did I end up in your car and later at your house?
A friend of mine asked me if I was still in control. I said yes, but now I am doubting myself. I don't know what came over me.
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