You weren't there. That's all.

Despite not being there, the damn woman still asked questions about you. 

She asked them, assuming as if I could read your thoughts and knew why things played out that way. Assuming as if we were still close and partially blaming me for not knowing. Kept on asking why I was so late setting things in motion. Excuse me, I know I've got a couple of holes in my memory, but when did I become a mind-reader and a master in the ✨fine arts✨ of bureaucracy? There's a reason why I didn't finish my studies in law 🙄 

You didn't check in, I didn't bother to reach out to you. The damn woman was hell-bent in her interrogation about you as if I wasn't my person and attached to the hip to you. I explained to her that the main focus was my (mental) health at the time. When did you have the time to think about such trivial things as my income? I was/still am struggling with wanting to stay alive, how in the hell would I be able to focus on my future? The funny thing is tho, I never gave up on resuming my studies. I couldn't give a flying crap about what other people said, even the doctors. I saw a goal and I went for it. Period. 

I saw the file she had about my illness. Even though it was upside down, I saw her Lil sidenote. You wanted to ask about them but you didn't. I wonder why. On a positive note, the woman wasn't expecting me to be this far in my recovery. I didn't know what to say so I thanked her. When I left you said you couldn't make any promises about the decision and I said I understand. Cos honestly, what could I do now? I lost the fight in myself and I'm dreading the day that I'll have to restart the process. 

You weren't there and I hated to admit to wishing you had been there.