Mental health comes first

I think it's kinda funny how people say mental health comes first, but when push comes to shove they don't mean it

They say they understand 

But they don't 

They can try 

But how can I believe 

When you let me down when I needed you the most 

I told you to stop 

And you kept going on 

As you kept going on 

You ripped me open 

I told you to stop 

That didn't help 

I told you you were right 

Instead of stopping, you kept going and put salt on my wounds 

Mental health before anything else right? 

You know me the best 

You say you care you say you understand 

I told you to stop multiple times 

But you kept going on 

You kicked me when I was down 

And now I don't feel safe anymore 

I know you didn't broke me beyond repair with your words 

But they still hurt 

Today thought me you can't be my person 

That's why I didn't pick up 

I was afraid to pick up the call from my other friend 

Cos I knew you would be hurt just like the other time 

I needed her that moment cos I was struggling to stay alive 

You on the other hand told me I cancelled because I didn't feel like it 

That was the last drop 

Mental health before anything else right? 

You know me the best 

You say you care you say you understand 

Multiple times I told you to stop 

But you didn't 

I am ashamed to admit I let you cross my boundaries 

You crossed it like many have before 

I let you 

And I think you didn't notice 

I felt violated allover

I could hear them say I was egoistic, that I only think about myself 

Mental health before anything else right? 

You know me the best 

You say you care you say you understand 

Multiple times I told you to stop 

I am ashamed to admit I let you cross my boundaries 

You crossed it like many have before 

I told you you were right 

And you kept going on 

Disregarding my mental state 

Multiple times I told you to stop 

I am ashamed to admit I let you cross my boundaries 

You crossed it like many have before 

Now you think something is up? 

Now you want to know how I am doing?

It's too late 

You forced me to open up when I wasn't ready 

Multiple times I told you to stop 

And I am ashamed to admit I let you cross my boundaries

Mental health before anything else right? 

You know me the best 

You say you care you say you understand 

Did you tho in that moment? 

As if I'm cancelling all the time

I know I'm not a shitty person 

I know my complex PTSD makes it difficult for me to maintain healthy relationships

I know it doesn't give me the right to treat you that way but shit...

Did you have to kick me while I was down? 

Am I that bad of a person that the first thing you thought when I cancelled was because I didn't felt like it? That I didn't care? 

As if I planned to feel the way I felt at that moment

I wonder if you're able to sleep 

Cos I can't 

Sleep is a luxury I can't afford right now 

Cos I'm too busy to fight/want to stay alive 

Mental health before anything else right? 

You know me the best 

You say you care you say you understand 

Multiple times I told you to stop 

I am ashamed to admit I let you cross my boundaries 

You crossed it like many have before 

I told you you were right 

And you kept going on 

Disregarding my mental state 

Mental health before anything else right? 

You know me the best 

You say you care you say you understand 

I told you to remember this moment

A part of me wants to say;

Remember the moment you broke me,

Remember the moment you lost my trust,

Remember the moment you almost tipped me over the edge,

Remember the moment you almost lost me

But I know that's not true 

I don't want to hold that against you 

I know I want to fight cos I don't know how to cope with my emotions 

I know I'm lashing out right now and that's why I told you to stop 

So I won't say anything that I'll regret later

Cos it's not just you alone, there is more to it 

You failed to ask first

You assumed, you made an ass out of you and me 

Later you asked, but it was already too late. The damage has been done.

Multiple times I told you to stop 

I am ashamed to admit I let you cross my boundaries 

You crossed it like many have before 

I told you you were right 

And you kept going on

Disregarding my mental state 

The last time this happened 

You just laughed and joked around 

I told you I wasn't doing well 

I told you I would stop typing 

And you joked around 

Disregarding what I said earlier 

Disregarding the urgency, the gravity, of my words 

Multiple times I told you to stop 

I am ashamed to admit I let you cross my boundaries 

You crossed it like many have before 

I told you you were right about everything

Why would I fight

When you've already made up your mind and written your own truth?